Summer Happenings

Drafts of four more posts about my trip to Japan sit in a folder, waiting patiently for me to finish them.  I want to post them, really I do, but I never seem to find the time.  And, meanwhile, lots of other things have been happening, with no posts!  So, here's a little summary of what's been going on...

Travel

Please, don't leave me!

I've had to travel for work quite a bit lately.  Four trips to Las Vegas in the past two months, along with trips to Fresno, Sacramento, and Omaha.  Indeed, I was traveling so much, that I had to give my poor cat back to my parents for a month!  The Las Vegas trips were all too packed with work to visit family or friends, let alone do many Vegas activities, but there was one night that my colleagues and I were able to sit at a cafe at Paris and watch the fountains at the Bellagio, which was beautiful.  And, one of our presentations was aired on local television, so I'm pretty much famous now.

There have also been a number of trips for fun with Alan.  We went to San Luis Obispo, Santa Catalina Island, and Paso Robles.  All three trips involved getting to know Alan's college friends better, which has been wonderful. I particularly enjoyed Catalina, which has an adorable golf cart parade for the 4th of July. And, I got to try snorkeling for the first time!

Hiking on Catalina.  No one was going to lose us, wearing those shirts.

At a wedding at the Mountain Winery.

Other Fun

In addition to traveling, the past couple of months has been full of hiking, parties, weddings, and good food.  Morgan threw a lovely Great Gatsby party, Alissa had an epic birthday party, and we threw a retro futurism themed Party of... THE FUTURE!  To paint a mental picture, because apparently I'm terrible at remembering to take real ones, think: silly tinfoil costumes, outer space tablecloths, and, of course, Tang.

Tasty, tasty oysters.

Robert and I went on a day trip to Santa Rosa that I really enjoyed. We grabbed oysters at Tamales Bay, ate them al fresco at a park, and then checked out the truly lovely Charles M. Schultz Museum. I definitely recommend checking it out if you're a Peanuts fan.

Mom came up to San Francisco a few weekends ago, which is always a treat.  We spent the day shopping, visiting my office and apartment, and eating a delicious lunch at the historic John's Grill.

Other fun lately included checking out the Maker Faire, learning how to make okonomiyaki, checking out the J-Pop summit in SF Japantown, playing Hobbit Scrabble, and attending an event with Mother Dolores Hart (the actress-turned-nun).

The Bar

No, this section isn't about all of the new drinking establishments I've checked out lately--although, I am rather impressed by the wine flights and lavender crème brûlée at First Crush, a little wine bar around the corner from my apartment.  Rather, I wanted to share that I was unsuccessful on the February administration of the California Bar Exam.  I did get the highest score I've gotten, only 12 points short of the passing score of 1440, which is rather frustrating.  I decided to take the summer off from studying, because, after four back-to-back attempts, I was starting to feel a little burned out.  I am really glad that I made that decision, and had my first real summer in years.  I'll be taking the exam again next February.  I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm grateful to have such wonderful friends and family to support me as I switch back into studying mode in the new year.

Reading

I've been doing a fair bit of reading lately.  I finally set up an account on GoodReads, and have been obsessive-compulsively documenting everything I've ever read.  Chris and I are still doing our wonderful weekly Catholic Skype chats; we recently finished The Autobiography of St. Therese, which wasn't nearly as insightful as I thought it was going to be, and certainly isn't as good as what we're now reading, City of God by St. Augustine.  I enjoyed Gulp by Mary Roach, disgusting though it was.  I joined a new book club, and we had a very interesting conversation about Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg--regardless of the critiques some may have of the book, I've found it to be a great launching off point for thoughtful conversations.  Alan and I have been discussing The Five Love Languages, which has been really interesting.  I love things like books and personality tests that help me to articulate the things I know about myself.  And, as has been the case for far too long now, I am still working my way through A Dance with Dragons.  There are so many more things that I want to read, but no time to read them!

Well, that's all for now.  Future posts to be shorter and more timely!

So, So Close

How close was I was to passing the July 2012 California Bar Exam?

"Your answers were all read twice, your averaged total scaled score was below 1440, and at least one of your answers had a discrepancy greater than 10 raw points between the first and second read grades assigned.  Any answer with a significant discrepancy was referred to a member of the Examination Development and Grading Team for a third reading in order to resolve the discrepancy."

They had to grade one of my performance tests three times.  That's how close I was.  The third grader decided to give me a 55, despite the fact that the second grader had given me a 70.  (62.5 is considered a passing score.)  When you receive your score, you are given the formulas for scaled scoring.  Playing with the numbers, I learned that if I had received a 63 or higher on that one PT instead of a 55, I would have passed the exam.

That's how close I was to passing.  Three graders quibbling over one question.

And so, I find myself enrolled in yet another bar review course, preparing for my fourth time taking the exam.

I'll be honest with you: it is very tempting to feel discouraged and cheated by this news.  I thought I was impossibly close to passing last time, but that was nothing compared with the prodigious frustration of knowing that one grader gave you more points than you needed to pass, only to have that score dismissed by a subsequent grader.

And yet, I must keep things in perspective.  If the absolute worst thing going on in my life is that I came very close to passing the most difficult exam of my career, then I've got a pretty good life.  I am seven months into an incredible job where I get paid to end homelessness.  I just moved into my very own apartment in San Francisco, one of the most charming and fascinating cities on this planet.  I have a fluffy cat who is equal parts adorable and mischievous.  I have an incredibly loving and supportive family, and am surrounded by friends who provide me with laughter, encouragement, and baked goods.

So, yes, I am taking the bar exam for the fourth time.  A year ago, I would have been humiliated to share that information with anyone, fearful of judgment.  But, I've grown a lot since then, and I've learned that my friends, family, and colleagues value me based on my character, not on my score.  Thank you all so much for supporting me throughout these past three attempts.

February 26-28, here we come.

Let's Catch Up

Hey gang, I've been on a blogging hiatus for a while!  So many things have happened in the past four months:

I became a full-time, permanent staff lawyer at HomeBase.

I took the CA bar exam, and it felt good.  (Results coming in mid-November.)

I went to Yosemite for Siobhan & Sean's beautiful wedding.

I went to St. Paul for work, and went to the Minnesota State Fair with Molly.

I saw Jim Gaffigan do stand-up at the Mountain Winery for my birthday.

I went to Lake Tahoe to celebrate Morgan's birthday.

I began my San Francisco apartment hunt, which is ongoing.

I went to Seattle to visit Jaki and David (and ran into Saleema).

I went to the Big Game with my dad, and we had fun even though Cal lost.

I could spend an entire post on any of these events, but I think this will have to do.  I'm hoping to be more frequent in my posts in the future!

Settling In

I've been at HomeBase for six weeks now, and it's been awesome.  Having been an intern, it was easy for me to jump right into the work and start taking on responsibility.  It's a bit frustrating to have to study for the bar exam while gearing up in my new job, because I'd love to be able to pour 100% of my energy into work.  But, in another six weeks, the bar exam will be over, and things will really start to fall into place.

The nature of my work is very fast-paced and eclectic, which I love.  In a single day, I might research pending legislation, draft a grant proposal, write a memo on some best practices, or facilitate a meeting with clients to brainstorm how to improve their system.

While most of our work is in the Bay Area, we also have some national technical assistance work for HUD, which takes us all over the country.  Indeed, I will be going to Phoenix for a couple of days next week for some meetings. I am excited by how quickly I've begun to feel like a valuable team member with things to contribute.

Last week, I gave a presentation at our regional steering committee on Medicaid expansion under the Affordable Care Act.  It felt a bit like a "fake it 'til you make it" moment, because I'm by no means an expert on heath care reform, but I think it went well.  I, like most folks in the policy world, am awaiting the Supreme Court's opinion on the ACA with baited breath.  My hope is that they'll leave the entire law in effect, but my prediction is that they'll sever the individual mandate.

Today was lovely, because it was the annual intern hike, which is like our version of a company picnic.  We all carpooled out to the Marin Headlands for some hiking, followed by a BBQ picnic near the beach.  What a fantastic way to spend a Wednesday.

Third Time's the Charm

I learned on Friday that I was unsuccessful on the February administration of the California bar exam.  I was on my way home from work when the results came out online, so I spent an hour sitting on the train with my sunglasses on, feebly attempting to hide the fact that I was crying.  When I got home, both of my parents were waiting for me, and enveloped me in a huge, long hug.

We talked for a while, and I admitted to myself and to them how much of an emotional toll this exam has taken on me the past year.  I explained how the pressure to do well, especially the second time, left me feeling paralyzed with fear.  I acknowledged that I really struggled with studying for the exam full-time because of burn-out, worrying excessively, and the lack of human interaction.

I will take the bar exam again July 24-26.  I am feeling confident that I will pass this time for a number of reasons.

1. The pressure to succeed is greatly reduced, because I am employed.  A large part of my trepidation about the exam has been how closely it was linked to my chances of finding work.  Now that I'm employed, the bar exam has less of an impact on my well-being and sense of self-worth.
2. I will not be studying full time.  The fact that I'm working while studying might seem like challenge, but I think it will actually be helpful.  When I had all the time in the world, I wasted hours and hours just worrying.  This summer, I will be too busy to worry.  Having a limited amount of time will cause me to focus on what's crucial.
3. I will be taking a different bar prep course with a visual learning approach.  Barbri has not worked well for me because there is no interactive learning or accountability.  This summer, I will be using the BarPassers tutorial program, which relies on flowcharts, weekly live classes, and a ton of personalized feedback.
4. I came maddeningly close to passing the February exam.  I got my scores in the mail on Saturday, and they made me feel really good.  A passing scaled score on the exam is 1440.  My score was 1417--so close, they had to grade my essays and performance tests twice.  My MBE (multiple choice) raw score, which was the main reason I didn't pass last July, jumped up by 25 questions.  If I had done just a tiny bit better on any section, I would have passed.

The next two months are going to be crazy busy, but worth it.  Although I am still lamenting* not having passed this time around, I'm feeling good about this summer.  I like being busy.  I thrive under the pressure of deadlines.  This is exactly the type of situation I need to get into the zone, that frame of mind where everything happens efficiently and passionately.  This is it.  The time is now, the place is here.  I am ready.

* A word on lamenting.  My discussion group is currently reading Quest for the Living God by Elizabeth A. Johnson.  The most recent chapter that we read discusses the age-old question of why God lets bad things happen.  Johnson presented a number of different theories from different theologians, but one in particular, Metz, stood out to me.  Metz suggests that, rather than explain away the tension between the good of God and the evil of the world by trivializing it or ignoring it, we should embrace the contradiction through remembering and lamenting.  Remembering Christ's death, his solidarity with humanity, stimulates hope for the future.  And, lamenting to God, despite what bad things have happened, also keeps hope alive, while maintaining a certain awe about the mystery of God.  In my current situation, then, lamenting is good because I am in dialogue with God through prayer, even though I know that I am not ready for the explanations that I demand.  Until such a time, I must rely on faith.

Post-Bar, the Sequel

It's wonderful to find myself in a post-bar exam world again.  The exam went well enough.  It's impossible to tell how I did, of course, but I found myself feeling very calm in the days leading up to it.  I think it helped that I had no jitters about the unknown, having taken it before.  The three-day exam took place at the Oakland Convention Center, so I stayed at the Washington Inn across the street.  It was nice to have such an easy "commute."  There were no surprises during the exam, in contrast to the fire alarm that went off during the July administration.  After the exam, I went out for celebratory drinks and dinner with some Berkeley friends who live/work in the area--what catharsis!

The following week, I used some of my frequent flyer miles to take a lovely trip to D.C.  I stayed with my old roommate Jess at her new apartment, crashing on my old couch.  It was splendid to see some of my dearest D.C. friends, many of whom were able to take off time from work to hang out with me!  Having spent several years in D.C., there was no pressure to see the quintessential D.C. sights--the point was to spend time with friends.  However, we did take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather to walk the Tidal Basin, visit the zoo, fly kites, see the Arboretum, and tour my favorite historical site, Mount Vernon.  It is always delightful to see old friends and pick right up from where we left off.

Since returning to California, I've been spending time with my family, catching up on a backlog of emails and blog subscriptions, and beginning some post-bar projects.  I've started using my Spanish software again, which was one of my New Year's Resolutions.  I've also been cooking more, reading for pleasure, and working on my embroidery.  In fact, yesterday was my dad's birthday, and I gave him this cross-stitched version of the famous Blue Marble photograph of the Earth from Apollo 17, because he loves rocketry and the space program:

Other post-bar endeavors include volunteering more, donating blood, using the yoga classes I bought on Groupon, and getting back into jogging.  I discovered a free iPhone app called C25K Free (Couch to 5k) that provides an eight-week schedule of audio-guided interval training, which has been very helpful in keeping me motivated.

I also plan to spend a significant amount of time helping my parents downsize and clear out the garage, as they are hoping to buy their first home this summer.  All of these things should keep me busy while waiting for bar results and employment!  Although, it's funny...  Just as I came to terms emotionally with the fact that I was still unemployed and taking the bar exam a second time, I got two interviews in a week.  Mysterious.  We'll see what happens, but for now, I'm trusting in God and trying to celebrate the time I have been given.

Daffodils

It's two weeks until the bar exam, and I'm feeling a lot more at peace with it than I was at this point over the summer.  I've been very focused on practice exams for the MBE (the multiple choice section), which was where I fell short in July.  I have plenty more studying to do before the real deal, but I think my attitude is making a difference this time around.  I've been letting myself take breaks, setting realistic study schedules, and don't have to deal with the fear of the unknown (since I've taken it before).

My dear Georgetown Law friend Maya sent me a wonderful book of Daily Reflections for Bar Exam Study, which I've been reading each morning.  It has contained a lot of helpful reminders, including that the exam is not a measure of me as a person, that worrying is not productive, that it's okay to take breaks, and that I have many blessings in my life.  It's been nice to set the tone for my day with those reflections, and I will definitely be passing this book along to friends taking the exam in future years.

I haven't blogged about dating before, but with Valentine's Day around the corner, I wanted to share that I've been trying out online dating.  For a while, I've had negative views of online dating.  I felt like meeting someone online would be akin to giving up on "real" dating.  But, after watching several friends try out OkCupid and other sites, I began to realize that online dating doesn't mean you aren't still meeting people through more traditional channels.  Rather, it gives you the opportunity to meet people you might not otherwise encounter--and, that's good!

So, I set up a profile, answered a ton of questions about myself, and started receiving (and sending) messages!  So far, I've been on a couple dates with one guy who was very sweet, intelligent, and entertaining, but I didn't feel a romantic attraction, so we decided to just be friends.  I've been messaging some other interesting guys, and am excited to go on more dates.  Now that I'm back in the Bay Area, I finally feel like I don't have school or an impending cross-country move to stop me from pursuing a long-term relationship.  We'll see what happens!

Speaking of being back in California, I am really enjoying our spring weather in February.  This morning, I spotted some wild daffodils growing in our side yard, so I dug up the bulbs and potted them.  The yellow flowers add a refreshing splash of color to my desk!  Here's Alibi, being a good kitten who doesn't dig up plants (we'll see how long that lasts...):

The 2011 Eleven

2011 was a significant year for me.  Both joyful and challenging, the following eleven events sum up the most consequential moments of the year.

Resolute Reflection

Throughout law school, my list of New Year's Resolutions has been short and sweet:

• Keep in touch with friends
• Get to know D.C. like a local
• Read for pleasure
• Use my time wisely
• Pray without ceasing
• Make healthy choices

Overall, I have done pretty well with the list this year.  2011 has been a year of reconnecting with old friends, especially since moving back to California.  And, I am very pleased to be staying in touch with my D.C. friends, all of whom I miss so much.  Indeed, writing Christmas cards each year is always an exercise in counting my blessings.

I definitely got to know D.C. like a local these past three years, and this year wrapped up my D.C. to-do list.  Much was accomplished during Chris' visit on Presidents' Day Weekend.  We went to the top of the Old Post Office Tower, saw the Ghost Clock at the Renwick Gallery, watched money being made at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, and went to the National Building Museum.  I also checked off some big to-do's during my family's visit for my graduation: a tour of the White House, and a visit to the Franciscan Monastery.  And, that's to say nothing of the recurring D.C. adventures I went on, including Mount Vernon, walking the monuments at night with Jess, many trips to the various Smithsonians, and quiet afternoons at the Basilica of the National Shrine.  I miss D.C., and hope that I'll have the opportunity to visit this spring.

I am happy to report that reading for pleasure has picked up this year.  Still Thinking, the virtual book club, has been a great source of accountability for reading.  This year, we read Machine of Death, Shakespeare's Kitchen, A Time to Kill, Across the Universe, Devil in the White City, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, The Hunger Games trilogy, and are currently reading The House of God.  I think my favorite was Machine of Death, which is an anthology of short stories inspired by this comic.  It was at once macabre, hilarious, and thought-provoking.  Plus, you can read the book online for free!  My reading also experienced a sharp uptick after I received a Kindle as a graduation present from my parents.  I was a bit hesitant about using an e-reader at first, but now I love it.  In addition to my book club books, I also read Bossypants by Tina Fey, Packing for Mars, The Pun also Rises, and am in the middle of the second book of A Song of Ice and Fire (the Game of Thrones series).  Still not nearly as many books as I used to read pre-law school, but a step in the right direction.

Using my time wisely is always a difficult resolution.  There are so many distractions in this world, and the Internet is the biggest temptation for me.  I can easily whittle away hours reading online.  However, especially in light of my upcoming bar exam at the end of February, maintaining this resolution will be of the utmost importance.

I would not go so far as to characterize my prayer life as "praying without ceasing," but there has been progress in this area of my life, most significantly this autumn as I began to meet up regularly with Monica, Ariana, and Shauna for conversations about The Holy Longing, by Ronald Rolheiser.  I am so blessed to have people in my life who challenge me to grow, and support me when I am struggling.

Making healthy choices waxes and wanes.  To be honest, it's been more difficult since I've moved home, because there is less walking in the suburbs, I don't have access to a gym, and I don't have as much control over food selection (and, keeping temptations out of reach).  However, I have been doing more cooking using healthy recipes, and my bicycle has gotten a lot of use.  Still, some room for improvement.

Accordingly, these are my resolutions for 2012:

• Keep in touch with friends
• Read for pleasure
• Use my time wisely
• Pray without ceasing
• Make healthy choices
• Try new recipes
• Do more photography
• Study Spanish

2011 was a momentous year for me in so many ways (a retrospective is forthcoming), and I cannot wait to see what 2012 will bring.  In the meantime, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

Gratitude

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  This was my first time being home for Thanksgiving in three years, so it meant a lot to me.  It was also my first Thanksgiving without my Nana, and her absence was felt, but I'm thankful that she's in a better place.  I enjoyed spending the day cooking with my mom.  In addition to all of our traditional dishes, we tried something new: mini pumpkin pies baked in cupcake tins!  They were incredible, and will definitely be a new tradition for us.

My family and I went around and named some of the things for which we are thankful this year.  It was a positive exercise for me, especially since I'm still coming to terms with my bar exam results.  Here are some of the things I mentioned:

• Going to Jamaica for my human rights fact-finding mission
• My experience as managing editor of the Poverty Journal
• The Catholic community at Georgetown Law
• Graduating from law school
• My new kittens
• My iPhone, which connects me with so many people I love
• My friends in DC, who are doing a great job of keeping in touch
• The support of so many friends during and after the bar exam
• Having a family willing and able to take me in during my bar exam studies and un(der)employment

That last line is the most significant for me.  I have been graced with the luxury of being able to wait for the right job opportunity, and to focus on my bar exam studies.  Despite the bumps in the road that I've faced this year, overall I am extremely blessed.

I got some good news from Georgetown: they're willing to extend my stipend to work with the Center for Gender & Refugee Studies!  So, although today was supposed to be the last day of my three-month fellowship at CGRS--indeed, they took me out for a delicious farewell lunch of Burmese food* yesterday--I will actually be working 24 hours per week through the end of December.  I'm glad to be able to do a little more work with CGRS, because there are so many interesting projects going on.

Also, I really appreciate how flexible they are about my work schedule.  In light of my three-hour roundtrip commute, they have agreed to let me telecommute exclusively for the month of December.  So helpful, not only to save time, but also money.  (Caltrain and Bart have been running me $22 per day roundtrip, ouch!)  I wish I could stick around longer, but Barbri classes start up again on January 2nd, so I'm trying to avoid working during my bar prep.

Speaking of the bar, my supervising attorney had a great talk with me yesterday, during which she revealed to me that she, too, had to take the bar exam twice.  As she and I have a lot in common--Georgetown Law alumnae, straight through from a Pac 12 state school, human rights fact-finding mission, certificate in Refugees and Humanitarian Emergencies--it was very reassuring to hear that she had been successful during the February administration, and went on to find public interest employment in her field of choice.  I have been blessed with so many encouraging, supportive supervising attorneys in my past legal jobs, and CGRS is no exception.

*I had never had Burmese before, and it is fantastic!  I love the Indian and Thai influences.  I had coconut chicken noodle soup and tea leaf salad.  So good.  I want to try my hand at a coconut milk-based soup, now.  Check out Burmese Kitchen if you find yourself with a hankering for Burmese food in the middle of the Tenderloin.

Oh, Drat

Well, gang, I'm hoping for better luck in February, because I did not get good news this evening.

The following is a letter that I wrote myself on the day before the bar exam.

Three Days

The results of the California bar exam will be released Friday evening.  My life has been slowly marching toward this day for years. I have thought about this Friday literally every day since I graduated from law school.  And, it is finally nearly here.

I'm extraordinarily nervous.  I'm trying not to freak out.  I'm trying to stay calm.  I'm trying to keep busy with cooking and friends and books and family and silly craft projects to take my mind off of the looming date.  I'm trying to focus on the message of Matthew 6:25-31.  But, it's difficult for me.  I'm afraid of humiliation, disappointment, imperfection, weakness, inferiority...  Of Failure with a capital "F".

Shortly before the bar exam, Erin sent me a link to a blog post entitled Please Stop Telling Me I'm Going to Pass the Bar. It sums up quite perfectly how I was feeling in the two weeks leading up to the bar exam.  Many of those sentiments still apply.  This part of the post was especially resonant for me:

Now, lots of smart people fail the bar exam. For a variety of reasons, it happens. These people are not failures. I can look at these people---people who I know and respect, and consider them bright, competent, amazing attorneys. The younger ones, I love and respect. I don't think they're idiots. For the older ones, it's a war wound, and a mark of character: proof that they really do "get" the real world. But if I don't pass? You guessed it. I'm a failure. Nobody said this psychology made sense.

It's an incredible, self-imposed double standard.  I would never judge someone for having failed the exam.  It's a tough exam!  Stuff happens.  But, if I fail the bar exam?  Well, that would make me a Failure.

Now, that's just ridiculous.  Regardless of what happens on Friday, life will go on.  As I blogged shortly before the bar exam,

It is only an exam.  It is not a measure of my self-worth.  I tried my best this summer and learned a lot, and that's good enough for me.

Thanks to everyone for walking along side me on this journey.  Thank you for the hugs, the popsicles, the Starbucks gift cards, the emails, the prayers, the listening ears, and the kitten study breaks.

See you on Friday.

It's Over

I finished the bar exam!  The past three days haven't been too bad.  The essays were fair--nothing out of left field--and I even got a couple of topics that I was hoping for (though, I also got my least favorite topic).  I always enjoy the performance tests, because it reminds me of my past internships.  The big question in my mind is the MBE--I can never tell how I did on the multiple choice.

Yesterday, a fire alarm went off at the Santa Clara Convention Center (where I took the bar exam) with a half hour to go in our morning MBE.  It was pretty ridiculous.  First they told us to evacuate, then they told us to stay put.  It only took a few minutes to get the alarm to stop, but the flashing lights continued for an additional ten minutes.  And, the proctors were all buzzing about, trying to figure out what was going on.  It was rather distracting, but thankfully I only had a couple of questions left at that point, so I wasn't upset when then didn't even give us extra time to make up for the disruption.  I was rather amused that the incident made Above the Law.

At any rate, it's over, and now I can relax and wait for the results (mid-November).  Thanks to everyone for the ongoing support.  Your prayers and encouragement have meant a lot to me these past few months.

I'm excited that I'll be taking a small bar trip with my mommy this weekend to Los Angeles.  I scored tickets to Monday's taping of Conan, and I am really looking forward to it!  I have been a fan of Conan for so long...  It will be great to see him in person!  Plus, Harrison Ford is one of Monday's guests.  We're staying at the Millennium Biltmore, which looks like a swanky place.  I wish I had time to visit SoCal friends while I am in town, but I'll be spending all of my time with my mom, so I guess I will simply have to make time for another LA trip soon.

The Olympia Post

Click image to enlarge...

Vintage typewriters are in style again - SF Chronicle

Click, Clack, Ding! Sigh ... - NY Times

Let's get down to business!

We must be swift as the coursing river

With all the force of a great typhoon

With all the strength of a raging fire

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Toilet Paper Roll Owl

Because tiny, silly study breaks are the main thing keeping me sane with one week left until the bar exam, I present to you: the toilet paper roll owl!

I am an avid follower of My Owl Barn, which is a blog that posts cute owl things every day.  A couple of weeks ago, they posted an adorable DIY about making owls out of toilet paper rolls.  As the old saying goes: when life hands you empty toilet paper rolls, make owls.

Now, back to memorizing hearsay exceptions.

The August August List

Things I want to do when the bar exam is over, in no particular order:

• See HP7 Part 2
• Throw a party
• Go to the beach
• Catch up on Conan, Jon, and Stephen
• Go for a hike
• Write a ton of letters
• Go wine tasting in Napa
• Write captions for my law school photo album
• Tune up my bicycle
• Catch up on my crossword puzzle desk calendar
• Sew some casual jersey skirts
• Sign up for some volunteer projects
• Play Scrabble
• Try out some new recipes
• Read for pleasure
• See the Steins Collection at SFMOMA

Bar studying is going well enough, but I keep daydreaming about two weeks from now, when I'll be free.  For the first time in my life, I won't need to study.  I am really looking forward to being a human being who doesn't feel guilty about having fun.

Dresser Kitten

I find it unbelievable that Alibi can fit underneath my dresser:



Oh, man, I've finally contributed to the abundance of cat videos that made up approximately 65% of the Internet.

The D.C. To-Do List: An Archive

This is an archival posting of my successfully completed D.C. To-Do List, which has served its purpose, and therefore will no longer grace the sidebar of this blog.  Follow the hyperlinked dates to the relevant blog posts.  What a delightful list of three years of D.C. memories.

To-Do List:

• Go on a tour of the White House. (DONE: 5/21/11)
• Tour the beautiful grounds of the Franciscan Monastery. (DONE: 5/20/11)
• Finally go inside the National Building Museum. (DONE: 2/22/11)
• Watch dollars being printed at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing. (DONE: 2/22/11)
• Marvel at the trompe l'oeil of the Ghost Clock at the Renwick Gallery. (DONE: 2/19/11)
• View the Capital from the observation deck of the Old Post Office Tower. (DONE: 2/19/11)
• Attend a Supreme Court oral argument. (DONE: 11/9/10)
• See a play by the Shakespeare Theatre Company. (DONE: 10/23/10)
• Spend some time at the Holocaust Memorial Museum. (DONE: 9/25/10)
• Eat French fries at The Tombs in Georgetown. (DONE: 9/18/10)
• See the bonsai trees at the National Arboretum. (DONE: 9/18/10)
• Eat lunch at the Mitsitam Café at the National Museum of the American Indian. (DONE: 9/9/10)
• See Jefferson's home at Monticello. (DONE: 5/20/10)
• Visit the Newseum. (DONE: 5/16/10)
• Go inside the Smithsonian Castle. (DONE: 5/11/10)
• Visit the National Museum of Natural History. (DONE: 5/11/10)
• Watch the changing of the guard at Arlington National Cemetery. (DONE: 4/2/10)
• Eat a half-smoke and cheese fries at Ben's Chili Bowl. (DONE: 1/20/10)
• Take the Chinatown bus to New York City. (DONE: 10/16/09)
• Check out the parents of the leopard cubs at the National Zoo. (DONE: 9/21/09)
• Figure out if there is anything beside stamps at the National Postal Museum. (DONE: 9/18/09)
• Go to Mt. Vernon. (DONE: 8/29/09)
• Visit the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. (DONE: 5/11/09)
• Attend the Cherry Blossom Festival. (DONE: 3/28/09)
• Get a Library of Congress Reader Identification Card. (DONE: 2/28/09)
• Go to the top of the Washington Monument. (DONE: 1/23/09)
• Attend the 2009 Presidential Inauguration. (DONE: 1/20/09)
• See the U.S. Constitution at the National Archives. (DONE: 1/19/09)
• Attend Mass at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. (DONE: 1/8/09)
• See snow fall in D.C. (DONE: 11/18/08)
• Attend the Red Mass at St. Matthew's Cathedral. (DONE: 10/5/08)

Two Weeks

The bar exam begins two weeks from this Tuesday.  I began attending Barbri (a bar exam review course) literally six hours after touching down in CA, and have been diligently practicing the multiple choice, essays, and performance tests in the 16 testable subject areas.  I have shied away from fun as much as possible (with a few allowances for kittens, weddings, and birthdays).

Yet, I have no idea whether I will pass this exam.  I never know how well I have done on a practice test after I complete it until I grade it.  I feel extremely nervous about this exam, and sometimes I have a hard time managing my fears of failure.  I am generally a good standardized test taker, but this exam is different.  Memorization does not come naturally to me, and I didn't take courses in half of the subjects that are tested on the exam.  As the exam draws nearer, my anxiety makes it more difficult for me to concentrate, and I have vivid daymares about what it will feel like to log on to check the exam results in November, only to discover that I failed the exam, and have to relive the entire process for the February administration.

No matter how much I study, it does not feel like enough.  The Barbri teachers continually remind us that all the bar examiners are looking for is "minimal competency" of a first year lawyer, but sometimes I don't even feel competent.  I know that such negative thinking can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because it detracts from my ability to adequately prepare, but that knowledge makes me stressed out about being stressed out.  And, it's been difficult to go through the entire Barbri course without any friends at SCU Law; while everyone chats and laughs during the breaks, I feel isolated.

I need to turn this mental state around.  Last week, I discovered a bust of St. Thomas More--the patron saint of lawyers--in the basement level of the SCU Library.  It was a friendly face during a moment of mental negativity, and reminded me that I am not alone in this endeavor.  When I started this blog (three years ago this Thursday), I had St. Thomas More on my heart, and took the title of my blog from his prayer.  I have been doing most of my studying in study rooms in the SCU Library because they have huge whiteboards, which are helpful for visualizing and memorizing subject outlines for essays.  Lately, the first thing I've been writing in a corner of the board is "St. Thomas More, pray for me," a little reminder that I cannot and should not do this alone.  When self-doubt creeps into my head, I need to take a deep breath, and pray.

One of our Barbri professors told us that our job in the next two weeks is not to decide whether or not we're going to pass the exam--that is the job of the examiners, not us.  I am really taking that advice to heart.  These final two weeks of study, I will not focus on whether or not I am going to pass or fail, but whether or not I am doing everything in my power to enter the Santa Clara Convention Center on Tuesday, July 26th feeling calm, confident, and in control.  I will treat the exam as an opportunity to demonstrate what I do know, rather than a measure of what I do not know.  And, as so many of my Barbri teachers have recommended, when I am confronted with a question and do not know what the law is, I will do what all good lawyers do: make it up.  :-)

Keep me in your prayers, friends, and I look forward to being able to celebrate the end of the bar exam with you soon.