How close was I was to passing the July 2012 California Bar Exam?
"Your answers were all read twice, your averaged total scaled score was below 1440, and at least one of your answers had a discrepancy greater than 10 raw points between the first and second read grades assigned. Any answer with a significant discrepancy was referred to a member of the Examination Development and Grading Team for a third reading in order to resolve the discrepancy."
They had to grade one of my performance tests three times. That's how close I was. The third grader decided to give me a 55, despite the fact that the second grader had given me a 70. (62.5 is considered a passing score.) When you receive your score, you are given the formulas for scaled scoring. Playing with the numbers, I learned that if I had received a 63 or higher on that one PT instead of a 55, I would have passed the exam.
That's how close I was to passing. Three graders quibbling over one question.
And so, I find myself enrolled in yet another bar review course, preparing for my fourth time taking the exam.
I'll be honest with you: it is very tempting to feel discouraged and cheated by this news. I thought I was impossibly close to passing last time, but that was nothing compared with the prodigious frustration of knowing that one grader gave you more points than you needed to pass, only to have that score dismissed by a subsequent grader.
And yet, I must keep things in perspective. If the absolute worst thing going on in my life is that I came very close to passing the most difficult exam of my career, then I've got a pretty good life. I am seven months into an incredible job where I get paid to end homelessness. I just moved into my very own apartment in San Francisco, one of the most charming and fascinating cities on this planet. I have a fluffy cat who is equal parts adorable and mischievous. I have an incredibly loving and supportive family, and am surrounded by friends who provide me with laughter, encouragement, and baked goods.
So, yes, I am taking the bar exam for the fourth time. A year ago, I would have been humiliated to share that information with anyone, fearful of judgment. But, I've grown a lot since then, and I've learned that my friends, family, and colleagues value me based on my character, not on my score. Thank you all so much for supporting me throughout these past three attempts.
February 26-28, here we come.
