Toilet Paper Roll Owl

Because tiny, silly study breaks are the main thing keeping me sane with one week left until the bar exam, I present to you: the toilet paper roll owl!

I am an avid follower of My Owl Barn, which is a blog that posts cute owl things every day.  A couple of weeks ago, they posted an adorable DIY about making owls out of toilet paper rolls.  As the old saying goes: when life hands you empty toilet paper rolls, make owls.

Now, back to memorizing hearsay exceptions.

The August August List

Things I want to do when the bar exam is over, in no particular order:

• See HP7 Part 2
• Throw a party
• Go to the beach
• Catch up on Conan, Jon, and Stephen
• Go for a hike
• Write a ton of letters
• Go wine tasting in Napa
• Write captions for my law school photo album
• Tune up my bicycle
• Catch up on my crossword puzzle desk calendar
• Sew some casual jersey skirts
• Sign up for some volunteer projects
• Play Scrabble
• Try out some new recipes
• Read for pleasure
• See the Steins Collection at SFMOMA

Bar studying is going well enough, but I keep daydreaming about two weeks from now, when I'll be free.  For the first time in my life, I won't need to study.  I am really looking forward to being a human being who doesn't feel guilty about having fun.

Dresser Kitten

I find it unbelievable that Alibi can fit underneath my dresser:



Oh, man, I've finally contributed to the abundance of cat videos that made up approximately 65% of the Internet.

The D.C. To-Do List: An Archive

This is an archival posting of my successfully completed D.C. To-Do List, which has served its purpose, and therefore will no longer grace the sidebar of this blog.  Follow the hyperlinked dates to the relevant blog posts.  What a delightful list of three years of D.C. memories.

To-Do List:

• Go on a tour of the White House. (DONE: 5/21/11)
• Tour the beautiful grounds of the Franciscan Monastery. (DONE: 5/20/11)
• Finally go inside the National Building Museum. (DONE: 2/22/11)
• Watch dollars being printed at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing. (DONE: 2/22/11)
• Marvel at the trompe l'oeil of the Ghost Clock at the Renwick Gallery. (DONE: 2/19/11)
• View the Capital from the observation deck of the Old Post Office Tower. (DONE: 2/19/11)
• Attend a Supreme Court oral argument. (DONE: 11/9/10)
• See a play by the Shakespeare Theatre Company. (DONE: 10/23/10)
• Spend some time at the Holocaust Memorial Museum. (DONE: 9/25/10)
• Eat French fries at The Tombs in Georgetown. (DONE: 9/18/10)
• See the bonsai trees at the National Arboretum. (DONE: 9/18/10)
• Eat lunch at the Mitsitam Café at the National Museum of the American Indian. (DONE: 9/9/10)
• See Jefferson's home at Monticello. (DONE: 5/20/10)
• Visit the Newseum. (DONE: 5/16/10)
• Go inside the Smithsonian Castle. (DONE: 5/11/10)
• Visit the National Museum of Natural History. (DONE: 5/11/10)
• Watch the changing of the guard at Arlington National Cemetery. (DONE: 4/2/10)
• Eat a half-smoke and cheese fries at Ben's Chili Bowl. (DONE: 1/20/10)
• Take the Chinatown bus to New York City. (DONE: 10/16/09)
• Check out the parents of the leopard cubs at the National Zoo. (DONE: 9/21/09)
• Figure out if there is anything beside stamps at the National Postal Museum. (DONE: 9/18/09)
• Go to Mt. Vernon. (DONE: 8/29/09)
• Visit the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. (DONE: 5/11/09)
• Attend the Cherry Blossom Festival. (DONE: 3/28/09)
• Get a Library of Congress Reader Identification Card. (DONE: 2/28/09)
• Go to the top of the Washington Monument. (DONE: 1/23/09)
• Attend the 2009 Presidential Inauguration. (DONE: 1/20/09)
• See the U.S. Constitution at the National Archives. (DONE: 1/19/09)
• Attend Mass at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. (DONE: 1/8/09)
• See snow fall in D.C. (DONE: 11/18/08)
• Attend the Red Mass at St. Matthew's Cathedral. (DONE: 10/5/08)

Two Weeks

The bar exam begins two weeks from this Tuesday.  I began attending Barbri (a bar exam review course) literally six hours after touching down in CA, and have been diligently practicing the multiple choice, essays, and performance tests in the 16 testable subject areas.  I have shied away from fun as much as possible (with a few allowances for kittens, weddings, and birthdays).

Yet, I have no idea whether I will pass this exam.  I never know how well I have done on a practice test after I complete it until I grade it.  I feel extremely nervous about this exam, and sometimes I have a hard time managing my fears of failure.  I am generally a good standardized test taker, but this exam is different.  Memorization does not come naturally to me, and I didn't take courses in half of the subjects that are tested on the exam.  As the exam draws nearer, my anxiety makes it more difficult for me to concentrate, and I have vivid daymares about what it will feel like to log on to check the exam results in November, only to discover that I failed the exam, and have to relive the entire process for the February administration.

No matter how much I study, it does not feel like enough.  The Barbri teachers continually remind us that all the bar examiners are looking for is "minimal competency" of a first year lawyer, but sometimes I don't even feel competent.  I know that such negative thinking can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because it detracts from my ability to adequately prepare, but that knowledge makes me stressed out about being stressed out.  And, it's been difficult to go through the entire Barbri course without any friends at SCU Law; while everyone chats and laughs during the breaks, I feel isolated.

I need to turn this mental state around.  Last week, I discovered a bust of St. Thomas More--the patron saint of lawyers--in the basement level of the SCU Library.  It was a friendly face during a moment of mental negativity, and reminded me that I am not alone in this endeavor.  When I started this blog (three years ago this Thursday), I had St. Thomas More on my heart, and took the title of my blog from his prayer.  I have been doing most of my studying in study rooms in the SCU Library because they have huge whiteboards, which are helpful for visualizing and memorizing subject outlines for essays.  Lately, the first thing I've been writing in a corner of the board is "St. Thomas More, pray for me," a little reminder that I cannot and should not do this alone.  When self-doubt creeps into my head, I need to take a deep breath, and pray.

One of our Barbri professors told us that our job in the next two weeks is not to decide whether or not we're going to pass the exam--that is the job of the examiners, not us.  I am really taking that advice to heart.  These final two weeks of study, I will not focus on whether or not I am going to pass or fail, but whether or not I am doing everything in my power to enter the Santa Clara Convention Center on Tuesday, July 26th feeling calm, confident, and in control.  I will treat the exam as an opportunity to demonstrate what I do know, rather than a measure of what I do not know.  And, as so many of my Barbri teachers have recommended, when I am confronted with a question and do not know what the law is, I will do what all good lawyers do: make it up.  :-)

Keep me in your prayers, friends, and I look forward to being able to celebrate the end of the bar exam with you soon.

From DC to CA

Since my last post, I have...

Gone on a tour of the White House,

Visited the Franciscan Monastery and gardens,

Graduated from law school,

Begun to study for the California Bar Exam,

Purchased some new shoes, and

Adopted a kitten named Alibi!

Dear Nana

Dear Nana,

You passed away last night, while I was 3,000 miles away.  You were 87 years old and suffering from Alzheimer's, so perhaps it was merciful that God took you home.  Nonetheless, I am so sad that I couldn't be by your bedside as you left this world.  I know you were so supportive of my education, and that you'll be looking in on my graduation this Sunday.

I miss you already.  You were always so encouraging, so selfless, so loving.  You were such a hard worker.  Your family was your top priority, and you raised three amazing sons all by yourself as a widow.  You never married again, because Grandpa Leo was your true love.  I am so glad that you can be with him again now.

Thank you for rekindling my relationship with God.  As I wrote of you in an op-ed that I wrote for the Law Weekly my 1L year:

The week before I left for undergrad, I went to visit my grandmother.  At the end of our visit, saying our good-byes, she tearfully embraced me and whispered in my ear, “Don’t lose faith.”  Those three little words spurred me on to grow dramatically in my relationship with God, and provided me with a clear model for showing others accountability.

I have identified that moment as one of the major turning points of my faith life.  Thank you for accepting God's call to be a vessel for his message, and for living a life full of grace that inspires me to be as compassionate and honorable as you have been.

I will miss your hugs.  I will miss your perpetual concern that I wasn't wearing enough layers to keep warm.  I will miss you eating crab with us at Christmas.  I will miss you telling me that, if I ever need anything, just ask you.  I will miss how you always hid tissues up your sleeves.  I will miss the way you doctored up spinach dip with extra water chestnuts.  I will miss you telling me the stories of what my dad and uncles were like growing up.  I will miss your expertise in caring for plants.  I will miss going out for ice cream with you.  I will miss watching Mom paint your nails.  I will miss...

When I was in sixth grade, we were assigned a school project to do about our hero.  Most children chose well-known figures, like astronauts or Mother Teresa.  I chose you as my hero.  To this day, you are still my hero.  You inspire me to work hard, to make sacrifices, to be caring, and, most importantly, to never lose faith.  Thank you for always being there for me, and I love you so much.

Your granddaughter,
Amanda