The Countdown

In tribute to SNL's parody of Keith Olbermann, I welcome you to The Countdown with Amanda Stempson. (N.B. Diction borrowed liberally from both the parody and from Olbermann himself.)

Edit: To see/hear an audio version of this blog, check out the YouTube video that I created:

5: Comedy or Commentary?

We turn now to our fifth story on The Countdown: the brilliant portrayal of Keith Olbermann by Ben Affleck on the Nov. 1 edition of Saturday Night Live, Tina Fey's parody of Sarah Palin notwithstanding. The in-character Affleck said, quote,

It is a fear, sir, and a tyranny up with which we dare no longer put.

This sketch is long overdue and is, by far, one of the best SNL pieces to come out of this season. Affleck's pompous verbosity, rapid enunciation, and gratuitous outrage were simply superb! I was particularly delighted by his refusal to end a sentence with a preposition, even when resulting in absurd sentence constructions (such as the above quote).

I find Olbermann's show entertaining, if uninformative, mostly because he is so ostentatious. So, to see a grandiloquent parody of The Countdown made my day. Should not, indeed, Stephen Colbert consider the hiring of a co-anchor to aid him in the Report's pursuit of truthiness?

4: Truants for Change

Number four on the Countdown tonight, the supportive efforts of Georgetown Law to enable students to be involved with the 2008 presidential election. The Student Bar Association, the student government of the law school, passed a resolution requesting that professors either cancel class on Nov. 4, or provide an audio recording of the class. The purpose? To allow students to more fully participate in the plethora of voter protection projects happening in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia.

As of last week, I discovered that my own classes for Election Day will be canceled. Although my availability was last-minute, I was able to sign up for homeless voter protection at a nearby polling place. My job will be to help homeless people who are denied their right to vote. I will do that all morning, and then walk to the Obama campaign headquarters to do some "last call for change" phone banking. I highly encourage anyone who has any spare time on Election Day to work for non-partisan voter protection or for the Obama campaign directly. And, for the love of America, VOTE!

3: Viva la Vida

Our number three story: Coldplay was in D.C. on Halloween night, playing to a sold-out Verizon Center. I had the good fortune of attending said concert with Donna, and was much impressed by Coldplay's high-energy performance, resplendent with over-the-top light effects.

Chris Martin, lead singer for the band, played the piano in a manner that one can only describe as the seeming efforts of a tortured genius. (That is not to say that Mr. Martin is a tortured genius, but rather that he is capable of portraying one on stage.)

I attended the concert technically dressed as a punk poseur. My initial thought was to attend the concert dressed as a punk, but, acknowledging that I wouldn't necessarily be able to pull this off authentically, I amended my costume conceptually. Some of my classmates argued that this was somewhat esoteric, and I concede that they had a point. Fortunately, Donna later helped me to improve my costume by rolling up my pant legs, applying copious amounts of eyeliner, and coaching me in facial expressions and attitudes that were categorically emo, to great effect.

2: World's Worst

And now, Countdown's Worst Person in the World! To: Michael Powell, New York Times reporter. Mr. Powell recently wrote an article that ostensibly jinxes the entirety of the Obama campaign and its supporters. Entitled "Obama Is Up, and Fans Fear That Jinxes It," Mr. Powell maintains that, quote

To talk with left-leaning Democrats in New Hope, San Francisco or Miami Beach, to drill deep into their id, is to stand at the intersection of Liberal and High Anxiety.

Well, Mr. Powell, if the Dems weren't thinking this before you wrote your pessimistic malediction, they certainly are now! Mr. Powell, you of all people must know of the enormous influence that the New York Times has on liberal thought. To write such inane blather, and then make this claim, is circular logic, indeed! This piece is little more than a self-fulfilling prophecy based on a cruel tautology that may cost Mr. Obama the election!

Mr. Powell, sir, if you yet retain any trace of honor, you must at once resign from the New York Times. Indeed, sir, justice and dignity demand you so to do!

1: ADR & HSM

Turning, now, to our number one story tonight: Disney's High School Musical has infiltrated the hallowed halls of Georgetown Law. In Civil Procedure on Friday, in a discussion of alternative dispute resolution, my professor was explaining the cooperative efforts of resolution as related to sociologist Talcott Parsons' four elements of therapy. Specifically, dispute resolution plays out as a sort of psychotherapy for all parties involved. My professor's way of succinctly encapsulating this point? Quote,

We're all in this together.

My professor acknowledged that he has a 12-year-old daughter, and has thus seen High School Musical on multiple occasions. He even went on to make sardonic comments about Sharpay. Quite simply, sir, it was one of the most surprising moments of your class to date.

And that's the Countdown for this: the six-hundred thirty-second day since Barack Obama announced his candidacy for President of the United States.

Good night, and good luck.